What Real Leadership Looks Like

Arrival is a movie that makes you think — and that’s a gift that keeps on giving. Their efforts to develop a conduit of communication is in striking contrast to how we talk to each other today. With the word “HUMAN” written on a whiteboard, they were able to build on that by seeing patterns in indecipherable symbols.

We have the most sophisticated communication tools in history — and we can’t even talk to each other in the same language.

Shown here is a somewhat dehumanized, life-size bronze figure of a human being of no particular sex, age, race, culture, or environment. Compressed between the two wheels, it seems to present humanity as the victim of its own complicated inventions.

The wheels also symbolize the blind ups and downs of fortune. The date 1965 is inscribed on the base, and the whole sad assemblage seems to say that human history and civilization have not exactly turned out as was once more hopefully expected.

I think of conversation as a journey — where even the tiniest kernel of truth can alter your course. No matter how much I disagree with another’s view, I’ll look for anything that’s true and work backwards from there. What I find might not change anything or might change everything, but it’s a worthy endeavor regardless.

Ford: Rebuilding an American Icon tells of the company’s comeback after its largest-ever loss of $12.7 billion in 2006. At the helm of its turnaround was Alan Mulally — who faced quality concerns by embracing criticism from Consumer Reports.

When he says the following, it’s not some fancy quote to float — it’s a mindset that makes all the difference in the world:

We’re gonna seek to understand before we seek to be understood

This 2:20 scene shows what serious-minded leaders look like (and not just Mulally). Ya gotta hand it to the great-grandson of Henry Ford for having the humility to see what was best for the company by putting the right person in place:

Mulally didn’t invent the phrase — but his version flows a bit better than Stephen Covey’s from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The synopsis for the “seek to understand” tenet is as follows:

Use empathic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, and positive problem solving.

There’s a park called The Green in downtown Charlotte, North Carolina. It’s a pleasant place to visit with various sculptures and abstract art on display. What stands out in my mind the most are the artistic benches and chairs. On each piece are prominent letters spelling out words such as honor, truth, perseverance and such. All words but one lie flat on top of the pieces.

The one that stands apart from the rest is the word “Risk” — and its first letter is hanging on the edge.

Risk it what it took to turn this situation around: A story that sets the gold standard of what’s possible when real leaders rise to the occasion.

Justice and decency are carried in the heart of the captain — or they be not aboard

— Mutiny on the Bounty (1962)

When I walked into Bank of America in September 2001, I was about to face another moment of truth that set the stage for all that followed. It was still early in my career, but with a lot of hard work and help, I was coming along in my skills. This job would put my technical abilities to the test — and then some!

As the project was months behind before I arrived — Ryan was under a lot of pressure to turn it around. From the get-go, I saw he was a micromanager and short with people. That got on my nerves and impeded my progress, so I spoke to one of my colleagues about it. He said:

That’s just the way he is with everyone

“We’ll see!” — I thought to myself

Had Ryan’s curtness been the only issue, I would have let it go, but the micromanagement was really getting in the way. Clearly, he wanted to be sure that I was capable of getting the project back on track, so some of that initial hovering was understandable. I just needed a little time to get acclimated and everything would be fine, but I wasn’t getting any breathing room.

His style even bordered on paranoia.

One morning I called him, and he just happened to walk in right as I was hanging up. I told him I just rang, but he was suspicious because I had my agency’s business card in my hand (which had his number on the back). He checked the call history to verify it (I acted like I didn’t notice). No big deal — but it sets the atmosphere for how far and how fast we turned this relationship around.

One thing led to another in those first few weeks, and I did not see how I could succeed under these worsening conditions. I had to find a way to resolve this problem so we could get the project moving along. The only option left was to go above his head — a risky move at any time, but off the charts when you’re a temporary resource who just got there.

Contractors can be treated like commodities and tossed aside on a whim, so it was a huge gamble. When I sat down to talk with his manager, Mark, right away I felt comfortable explaining the situation. And that right there tells you something about him. He didn’t see me as some “contractor” complaining about his manager — he saw me as a sincere person who needed help trying to solve a problem. Whether I was contractor or employee was irrelevant to him. He was going to weigh my concerns with prudence and respond accordingly.

Not only was he receptive — he was impressed. He even inquired if I had any interest in coming on board full-time at some point. Dictionary.com defines “insight” as:

Penetrating mental vision or discernment; faculty of seeing into inner character or underlying truth

Mark is a model of such intuition and desire to understand. He saw everything exactly as it was, and set up a meeting with the three of us to talk it over. Inside of 30 minutes and in the most professional manner imaginable:

Problem Solved

To be sure, it wasn’t smooth sailing immediately (nor would I expect it to be). But we were in a groove within a week. Before long, I loved working with Ryan. He was exceptional in his attention to detail and help with requirements. We got into a rhythm and everything started to click.

We delivered on that project in every way possible — and it’s one of the finest experiences of my career.

Speaking of listening . . .

People really don’t listen.

People are just either not that interested in what you’re saying, or they are too focused on their own agenda. It’s ridiculous to see two people acting like they can’t really hear each other — by choice.

In “The Significance Principle,” authors Les Carter and Jim Underwood posit that we should listen past where the other person has finished. We should even pause before answering. Let them get their point, their story, their compliment, and even their criticism out. Completely. . . .

The ability to hear is a gift. The willingness to listen is a choice.

— Mike Greene, ​Why you should first seek to understand — before trying to be understood


It would not be the last time that I would work with them. Six months later, I was just finishing up another contract, and they called TEK Systems specifically asking for me — on a project they needed done yesterday. I was thrilled to return, and when I walked in on the first day, everyone was waiting for me in a conference room.

We didn’t miss a beat

And it’s a damn good thing, because there no time to waste.

It was a unique project that required both Microsoft Access and Excel — both of which were my bread and butter in those days. After I took some time to plan out how I would go about it, we got things rolling. In our rush to crank this thing out though, I missed something that was key to tying our data together. It was my responsibility and I shouldn’t have missed it, but Ryan’s only concern was how to solve the problem. Later, he made a great Office Space joke about my mistake:

Um, yeah . . . I’m gonna need you to not do that next time.

It’s all the more special because he introduced me to that movie on the first project. And it speaks volumes about his leadership, as he took something hilarious and made an important point at the same time. Subtlety is mighty powerful in the minds of those who listen. We ended up working well into the the wee hours of the morning trying to get this thing resolved. I’ll never forget how much fun it was eating pizza for our problem-solving sustenance that night. I went home around 3:00 or 4:00 AM, not knowing that Ryan was going to stick around. I got a call from him Saturday morning to let me know that he had figured it out, so I immediately headed back into the office to implement his fix.

As much as I felt bad for making the mistake and keeping him up all night, it’s hard to regret it considering what a wonderful experience it was. When I finished up the contract and was on my way out, he shook my hand and said:

Rick . . . what you did with Excel . . .

And just shook his head. He was referring to the automation I did to dynamically create hundreds of polished reports in a back-and-forth bi-directional data exchange between Access and Excel (with Oracle in the mix). There were a lot of complexities to the project — with business requirements driven by practical realities rather than programmatic ideals.

Such necessities require ingenuity and genuine collaboration, and Ryan’s leadership cultivated exactly what was needed. Without the willingness of everyone to truly work together, especially in the face of difficulty, you will never know what you are capable of accomplishing.

It’s not like I invented the concept . . .

On that note . . .

Understand the Impact of Your Action or Inaction on Others

When I was thinking about how to categorize these stories, that Clif Bar line came to mind. I interviewed there long ago — and though I didn’t land the job, I enjoyed the pursuit of it. Just being in the building and meeting the people in it — so close to something special, made it all worth it.

I love how not getting what you want at the time — can lead to bigger and better things down the road. I’m something of a connoisseur of silver linings.

Honest in the little things, honest in the big things

— Kit Crawford (co-owner of Clif Bar)

In my research on Clif Bar, I came across that quote — which embodies all that I discovered about the company. Her quote captures what I’ve doing all my life — and same goes for this book:

Developing habits and I go way back. As I relay in “When the Machine Has Taken the Soul from the Man”:

I learned early on in life that what you want gets in the way of what you see

I love how they frame their company credo in the Ingredients below. It’s like they looked at all the ridiculous behavior and river of waste I have witnessed for decades, and said . . .

Let’s not do that — and here’s how:


I learned early on in life that what you want gets in the way of what you see. My construct of consideration began in April 1988: One moment of truth from a teacher who didn’t need a letter or a lecture — just a look and a few choice words.

As I was listening — no matter how much it hurt.

The bigger picture is a beautiful thing — as your interests can be served in ways you wouldn’t have imagined had you gotten what you wanted. Took me a few years to figure it out in full, but the world would never look the same once I did.

At the time of the foundation for all that followed (a snapshot of which can be found in Music in Motion: “We Will Cut the [Wheel] Down the Middle”): This poster was on the wall in my high school’s vocational building. I’d walk by it every day on my quest that consumed me.

I was robbed of what was rightly mine, and when I didn’t get it — I found I didn’t need it.

The school didn’t make a habit out of promoting the latest movies, so there was a reason why this particular one was showcased.

Above all else . . .

I believe that reason is right here in the ending (particularly the line below).

You see us as you want to see us — in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions

And yet, communication has become increasingly crippled over the years — because of seeing people in the “simplest terms” and “most convenient definitions”

As I said in my documentary 10 years ago:

Undeniably, the exponential increase in self-righteous certitude is tied to technology. Instead of becoming more worldly with our exceptional tools — our conveniences are eroding our ability to think things through. In our brave new world, we seem to thrive on being dismissive, distracted, distant, and shortsighted.

After all — who has time to be thoughtful anymore?

All that aside, who doesn’t love the ending of The Breakfast Club?

Leave a Reply